Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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