How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
