The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
