i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
