I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
