The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
