I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize