"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize