1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
