it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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