How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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