I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
