Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
