Tell her she can't have a vagina
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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