Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
