yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
