My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
