you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
