Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
