Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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