Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sext me about skeletons
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
