You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize