kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
