I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
