Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
