I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
