i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
