How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
