my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
