i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
