....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
