i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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