i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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