I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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