I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
