The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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