Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
