Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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