You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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