better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
