no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i drank out of a bidet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize