Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
