hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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