please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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