One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My first STD was from a foam party
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
