I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
worst night to have a conscience
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
