im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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