Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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