piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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