she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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