i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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