He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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