Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
