Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
please come you make the beer taste better
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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