perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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