So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
