Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
