Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
