I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
