you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
