we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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