Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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