I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
