My hand turned me down
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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