And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
