He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
