apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's like heaven, but drunker
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
