I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My balls are so social today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Randomize
