you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize