i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I didn't notice because vodka
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
