It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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