I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
