You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
