Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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