So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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