So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
