i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
